We’ve all heard this expression in songs (Tame Impala came to mind, hence why I put their album as the art, bonus points if you know them) or from some golden robed, thong flip flop wearing dude doing sunrise Tai Chi in the Buddhist temples of Tibet. But what is living in the moment? Is it some woo-woo Eastern meditation bullshit… or is it something we really are missing out of here in our robotic 21st century over stimulated world?
What is living in the moment?
Simply put not dwelling on your past, or foreshadowing your future is living in the moment. Not thinking about past mistakes when you go up and talk to a girl, nor thinking about what bad could go wrong in the situation. Of course this does not constitute one to fall back to YOLOFKITALL status, nor does it allow you to be non-future oriented. It simply is a tool, a state of mind you need to work on practicing to use it certain situations. For instance, when you are going to approach a girl, it would be very mindful of you to not think about the time in 11th grade when you got a boner in your gym shorts and your crush laughed at you (nobody else? Just me? alright…). You need to feel free to live in the moment and feel the conversation, be there, not judging and planning all of your next moves and this weird unnatural conversational state. This is where natural game comes into play.
Why’s it important?
Two reasons. First off women have a sixth sense. They have a really great social acuity which I will shed light on later, I studied developmental psychology in University so I have a pretty great background on this. To summarize, women develop earlier… giving them a step up on us men socially. They “get it” much sooner than us. Just a fact of life. When you go up with fear and doubt of your past failures, or future tensing her kicking you in the balls and running off, I guarantee she’ll feel that when you speak. Now the difficult scenario here is that in the beginning that is likely to be something you won’t be able to shut off and instantly be great at. Likely it will take time and practice which we will speak of below. Additionally, a lot of girls will be super nervous to talk to you and in their own heads 10x more than you. As I write this, I am texting a girl from yesterday I approached at the mall. It was my first set of the day, and I was somewhat in my own head but pushed through. She actually texted me a 2 page long monologue about how rough her week was and she’s sorry if she was acting weird she’s actually really normal xyz. I have no idea what she was talking about honestly, but it reminded me of how women get in their own heads much more than us.
Second off, your own happiness and success is vital to living in the moment. You cannot go through life with the judgments of your past and present, you must let go to live right then and there. You want hot girls, you want a great job, you want lots of money, whatever it is. You’ll need to live in the moment. Otherwise you’ll stall.
So how do we get to be present?
First off, meditation helps. I don’t think it’s a requirement, but you’d be silly not to try it. There will be a later post on meditating. I am not going to allude that I am a total expert on the subject, but it is a fantastic tool. Essentially when you meditate, you are practicing turning your brain off and feeling that exact moment and what is happening. Not clouding your mind. Then throughout your day when you hit anxious moments, that cringe of thinking about the day’s mistakes, or when you are angry… you go into a quick meditative state. This helps you move forward and not dwell on the past. It really helps.
Additionally, a great way to get rid of the past/future thinking is to act quickly. Don’t slowly walk up to girls, follow them around waiting for the right moment, or hesitate. You’ll be in your own head. When you see her, approach her. The ZERO second rule, not three seconds, not how long it takes for your paths to cross, etc. You better start going towards her right away and quickly if she isn’t directly right in front of you. Right there. Physiology time: Fear and anxiety begins with the senses. Your eyes see “hot girl”, transmit that to your brain, your brain retrieves past and future possibilities, goes “oh fuck hot girl alert! Remember… the boner… don’t do it!”. Then it transmits those signals to your adrenal glands, and they secrete out adrenaline and fuck up your all thinking. It’s a weird thing we do may deserve an entirely new future post if more are interested. This process takes about 4 seconds, but if you can beat it you’re going to literally sidestep that entire process. This is where meditative states and acting quickly come into play.
It takes practice along with this initial awareness, but being in the moment is a foundation of your game. Use this in your approaches this week, and stay tuned for more blog posts.