Break through people’s brickwalls

Be warned, if your pet goldfish has had a stroke recently and you are still upset about it.. read a different post until you’re ready. It’s gonna be okay man. Otherwise, read on :).

 

Ah the million dollar question, it is asked of me in many forms including “how do you do it man?” or “what’s the secret” or sometimes friends just shake their heads as I appear to be a social butterfly, and making strangers laugh effortlessly. It’s funny, once you learn how to win friends and get people to like you, others watching begin to think you are a natural at it, when in actuality it is something you took time to work on and learn (when you appear to be a natural at something that you really are a student of, that means you’re doing it right. So never take offense to that, just keep your little secret : ] ).

 

Here is a quick tip on getting people to like you, and gaining new friends.

 

BANTER

This is the secret people, the cat is out of the bag (for some reason I imagine a grandma shopping with her cat in her purse and it escapes to wreak havoc upon the grocery store?.. idk). What is banter? Banter is the friendly light hearted conversation you have with people. It really doesn’t mean too much, it is just an expression of humor, and a way we humans “feel each other out”. No feelings are really shared. No deep topics about how messed up it is that your goldfish is having a stroke, and due to legal issues the state can’t decide if you or your sister is the power of attorney over his living will (okay that was actually good banter lol, but replace the goldfish with someone serious in your family and you get what I mean).

 

Banter examples-

To to barista at starbucks “Yeah can you actually put two shots of kahlua in it this time?” she replies with a cheesy grin, “Rough week huh?”.

 

When I met my new roommate for the first time and we were trying to feel each other out for the first time, she mentioned “well if you are interested I have a room available, just as long as you aren’t going to axe murder me in my sleep…” me: “well I can’t make any promises but I will try..” (with a smile on my face portraying obvious sarcasm).

 

I worked in the hospital before, whenever a nurse said “oh man I gotta pee, but there is too much to do I can’t leave!” I stand up and say “hang on I will get you a bedpan”

 

Simple right? We all know what banter is, but not many know there is an actual term for it. Banter is typically sarcasm and exaggeration based.

How to use it? Banter is used best at the beginning of a conversation. It’s a way of letting the other person know “oh he’s cool and not going to instantly dive into an awkwardly weird topic with me”. One mistake people make is in the beginning of an interaction, they dive straight into a deep emotional conversation, or complain about something happening. Noooo bueno amigo! Especially if you do not know this person, they now will associate you with feeling down and getting too deep too early, you will repel them. I guarantee it. You don’t wanna be that person. Instead open them up with a friendly joke and a smile, it will knock their guards down so easily. Practice your bantering skills every single day. It’s fun, and is the a key to making friends. Once you have the other person laughing, follow this up with a smile and a “My name is…” and dive into conversation. Boom! This is almost foolproof once you get it down.

 

Leave a Reply